1. This weekend
2. This article
Monday, March 31, 2008
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Pellicanos
No matter how long Anthony Pellicano's been in court, Google image search says that he's not as famous as his namesakes. Haha, pellican JUSTICE!
Monday, March 24, 2008
Grey Ladies
The most just line in today's New York Times:
"Lauren’s close friend and colleague Whitney, until now perhaps the best approximation of a Shakespearean mute that reality TV has ever produced, wants more out of life than serving as an assistant at Teen Vogue."
"Lauren’s close friend and colleague Whitney, until now perhaps the best approximation of a Shakespearean mute that reality TV has ever produced, wants more out of life than serving as an assistant at Teen Vogue."
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Friday, March 21, 2008
Imprudent Curiosity
This whole passport scandal really touches the roots of what this blog is all about. Where is the JUSTICE in this situation? With two of the offenders fired, now an Inspector General is unable to do a thorough investigation. Is the whole thing politically motivated? Obviously. Why weren't State Department officials notified sooner? Why is McCormack a total douche?
Add this latest invasion of privacy to the long list of instances that our rights are trampled on under this administration. The thing that makes me maddest is that by Monday, the news cycle will roll on and no one at the State department will ever have to face consequences.
The one thing that would pacify me: Barack as the Democrat presidential nominee. Hear this, voters and superdelegates: I am a formidable enemy.
Add this latest invasion of privacy to the long list of instances that our rights are trampled on under this administration. The thing that makes me maddest is that by Monday, the news cycle will roll on and no one at the State department will ever have to face consequences.
The one thing that would pacify me: Barack as the Democrat presidential nominee. Hear this, voters and superdelegates: I am a formidable enemy.
Tootsie Justice
As anyone who has traveled with me can tell you, you really can't take me anywhere. A co-author of this blog once attempted to bring me on vacation to his parents' lovely cottage in Massachusetts, and all I did was ramble on about Tootsie (the metaphysical concept, not the film) like an autistic person.
Tootsie is as Tootsie does--you'll know it when you see it--but apparently Tootsie is also subject to societal pressures. Below, an excerpt from a cover letter received by a friend at a nonprofit agency dedicated the upholding of global human rights:
[Organization Redacted]
[Address Redacted]
To whom it may Concern:
Tootsie Rolls… they really are a luscious snack; however discrimination and ignorance has caused me to lose my taste for them. When I was in elementary school, the other kids would call my Brazilian sister ‘tootsie roll’ because she was darker than everyone else.
Haters: give us back Tootsie. And then go fuck yourself. JUSTICE!
Tootsie is as Tootsie does--you'll know it when you see it--but apparently Tootsie is also subject to societal pressures. Below, an excerpt from a cover letter received by a friend at a nonprofit agency dedicated the upholding of global human rights:
[Organization Redacted]
[Address Redacted]
To whom it may Concern:
Tootsie Rolls… they really are a luscious snack; however discrimination and ignorance has caused me to lose my taste for them. When I was in elementary school, the other kids would call my Brazilian sister ‘tootsie roll’ because she was darker than everyone else.
Haters: give us back Tootsie. And then go fuck yourself. JUSTICE!
Every dog has its justice
Today my boyfriend saw a guy faking blindness to take his dog on the subway.
He was standing on the NRQW platform at 42nd Street, wearing sunglasses, and had his dog done up in one of those crossbar harnesses. The dog in question was described as "the happiest yellow lab you've ever seen."
Then the guy took off his sunglasses to read the subway map.
Then the cops caught him reading the map, trying to find out how to get to Astoria, and wrote him a ticket.
Then the cops pet the dog. Perversion of JUSTICE?
He was standing on the NRQW platform at 42nd Street, wearing sunglasses, and had his dog done up in one of those crossbar harnesses. The dog in question was described as "the happiest yellow lab you've ever seen."
Then the guy took off his sunglasses to read the subway map.
Then the cops caught him reading the map, trying to find out how to get to Astoria, and wrote him a ticket.
Then the cops pet the dog. Perversion of JUSTICE?
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Monday, March 17, 2008
Algonquin Justice! Roundtable
Today we present a new weekly feature of Justice: the Roundtable.
The first weekly submission follows below:
People say Albert Einstein once said "Madness is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result."
Discuss, in light of your own life experience and the truths and tenets of Justice!
The first weekly submission follows below:
People say Albert Einstein once said "Madness is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result."
Discuss, in light of your own life experience and the truths and tenets of Justice!
Friday, March 14, 2008
Justified: im getz to eet my hunny
Sometimes a Macedonian court finds a bear guilty of theft after it steals honey from some guy's hive.
But then sometimes, because the bear has no owner and is an endangered species, it doesn't have to go to bear jail. And then the state pays the beekeeper about four grand. And everyone goes home happy. Except the bear, who goes home happy and with honey in its tum.
Grrrrrrrustice!
Conditional Clauses
If I were to have learned a foreign language, then I would remember the correct construction of sentences.
If I were to cook more regularly, then I wouldn't have to depend on our nanny Elvie's food, who since my siblings and I left for college has been much more focused on the dogs anyway.
If I were in New York right now, then I would have gone and slept with this dude who texted me for the first time in months tonight.
If I were to do what I would actually be best at, then I would be a madam, and turn girls out with a special rationalization catered just to them. I would make money off of their bodies, but I would feed them well and keep them clean, and believe that I could keep us all deluded enough to be happy, which is really all the justice a person can ask for.
If I were to cook more regularly, then I wouldn't have to depend on our nanny Elvie's food, who since my siblings and I left for college has been much more focused on the dogs anyway.
If I were in New York right now, then I would have gone and slept with this dude who texted me for the first time in months tonight.
If I were to do what I would actually be best at, then I would be a madam, and turn girls out with a special rationalization catered just to them. I would make money off of their bodies, but I would feed them well and keep them clean, and believe that I could keep us all deluded enough to be happy, which is really all the justice a person can ask for.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Satiety
A short while ago, my coauthor posited that this was the face and emblem of JUSTICE, a dish served at a New York City counter called Momofuku Ko. Momofuku Ko seats only 32 guests in an evening, is reservation-only, and accepts reservations 1 week in advance on its website, which opens each day with a new day of reservations at 10 a.m.
Each day since the site went live, I have signed in at 9:50 a.m. and each day the new day's reservations are already fully booked. Am I to understand that I am 33rd in order of importance and gravity? How can I exercise my God-given right to a $100 meal eaten off a stool with no back? Who will reconstitute lychees and foie gras for me now?
I sound the bell of outrage, I agitate for comeuppance, I clamor for JUSTICE!
Each day since the site went live, I have signed in at 9:50 a.m. and each day the new day's reservations are already fully booked. Am I to understand that I am 33rd in order of importance and gravity? How can I exercise my God-given right to a $100 meal eaten off a stool with no back? Who will reconstitute lychees and foie gras for me now?
I sound the bell of outrage, I agitate for comeuppance, I clamor for JUSTICE!
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Hookergate
Sometimes the governor of your state is caught paying lots and lots for an actually-pretty-hot-and-not-that-trashy callgirl.
And then sometimes, the next day, you end up interviewing subjects for an article about what the lives of high-end call girls are really like. The things you conclude: the average high-class hooker has been to college, likes French cuisine and spends $600 a week on personal grooming. The elite callgirl speaks more than one language, plays an instrument and can tell apart different wines.
"If you can talk a little about art," one working lady told me, "then you can get the guy to think, 'This is a cool girl. This is the kind of girl I should be hanging out with.'"
In fact, said she: "A liberal arts education is a great preparation for being an escort."
For those of you who said an english major wasn't worth anything... JUSTICE!
And then sometimes, the next day, you end up interviewing subjects for an article about what the lives of high-end call girls are really like. The things you conclude: the average high-class hooker has been to college, likes French cuisine and spends $600 a week on personal grooming. The elite callgirl speaks more than one language, plays an instrument and can tell apart different wines.
"If you can talk a little about art," one working lady told me, "then you can get the guy to think, 'This is a cool girl. This is the kind of girl I should be hanging out with.'"
In fact, said she: "A liberal arts education is a great preparation for being an escort."
For those of you who said an english major wasn't worth anything... JUSTICE!
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Dream Weaver
Last night I had a very vivid dream in which I had a baby. The baby's name was Gracie, much like the new baby on Friday Night Lights, and I wasn't sure who the father was. She was so cute though and my boobs were huge with baby milk.
What's really nice is that no one seemed to mind that I had got myself knocked-up and brought a fatherless child into the world. My Mom even babysat while I went out with my friends. Thanks Mom! Justice!
What's really nice is that no one seemed to mind that I had got myself knocked-up and brought a fatherless child into the world. My Mom even babysat while I went out with my friends. Thanks Mom! Justice!
I could be a therapist
You are lying in bed, the alarm goes off at 7:30 am and you are supposed to go to psychotherapy at 8 today.
Instead you call in sick to therapy and go to the gym.
And then you calculate in your head that seeing a personal trainer twice a week would be half the cost of seeing your therapist twice a week.
Some day in June 2008 you will probably walk by her office in Lincoln Towers and scream "JUSTICE!" outside of her window.
N.B. I'll be wearing a bikini
Instead you call in sick to therapy and go to the gym.
And then you calculate in your head that seeing a personal trainer twice a week would be half the cost of seeing your therapist twice a week.
Some day in June 2008 you will probably walk by her office in Lincoln Towers and scream "JUSTICE!" outside of her window.
N.B. I'll be wearing a bikini
Serious Justice
Remember back in the day when there was a thing called Civil Disobedience? You opposed things without breaking any laws, but it was sick because you were doing something and maybe didn't hate yourself for a little while.
So these days, as we have obliquely mentioned before, there are some serious problems. Not the least of which is that so many dudes are in jail. Guys who could be sending us text messages if they were free! A lot of the people in jail are only there because of drugs. Just like the ones we do, except they go to jail for it and we go to this place.
Today, in my continuing obsession with The Wire, I ended up reading this article, and for the first time in a long time someone has proposed an idea that makes sense. Nut Graph: If you're on a jury deliberating a state or federal drug charge, and no violence was involved, vote to acquit. Idea happens to belong to David Simon et al, but that doesn't make it any less right.
Because let's face it, we'd be hypocrites if we did anything else. And we don't believe in fucking up lives; we believe in JUSTICE!
So these days, as we have obliquely mentioned before, there are some serious problems. Not the least of which is that so many dudes are in jail. Guys who could be sending us text messages if they were free! A lot of the people in jail are only there because of drugs. Just like the ones we do, except they go to jail for it and we go to this place.
Today, in my continuing obsession with The Wire, I ended up reading this article, and for the first time in a long time someone has proposed an idea that makes sense. Nut Graph: If you're on a jury deliberating a state or federal drug charge, and no violence was involved, vote to acquit. Idea happens to belong to David Simon et al, but that doesn't make it any less right.
Because let's face it, we'd be hypocrites if we did anything else. And we don't believe in fucking up lives; we believe in JUSTICE!
G.O.A.T.
Hot dog vendor Mohammed Ali has sued the city for $3200 in damages -- some clowns from the NYPD (no offense, Milch) seized his "buns, condiments and several pounds of hot dogs and drinks" in defense of some Greenmarket-ing Yuppies who chose to invade his turf.
It's not clear from the NY Times article whether or not he won said lawsuit, but there is an important lesson here: Justice is better personified in someone with a recognizable name.
It's not clear from the NY Times article whether or not he won said lawsuit, but there is an important lesson here: Justice is better personified in someone with a recognizable name.
Monday, March 10, 2008
The intersection of Irony and JUSTICE
When I was a nerdy pre-adolescent, I taught myself HTML. (Matt may be the only person who knows this about me.) I want to think I was ahead of the curve, but in reality it was just pretty uncool.
And now, after years of avoiding the blogosphere, I actually would have some use for my precociously-aquired knowledge. But tragically, I long ago forgot everything I once knew about this super-rad programming language. And I can't figure out how to do much more than insert the occasional "hyperlink" into a post.
Maybe irony, maybe not. But certainly not Justice.
And now, after years of avoiding the blogosphere, I actually would have some use for my precociously-aquired knowledge. But tragically, I long ago forgot everything I once knew about this super-rad programming language. And I can't figure out how to do much more than insert the occasional "hyperlink" into a post.
Maybe irony, maybe not. But certainly not Justice.
Sometimes a Yale Man...
...can't spell the name of a punctuation mark.
See case in point: justthisexCALAMtionpoint.blogspot.com
See case in point: justthisexCALAMtionpoint.blogspot.com
A Friend with Weed Is Better
Is JUSTICE making friends on the internet? Hardly. But finding near relations, at least, is not impossible.
Also, take a moment to read this, a shrewd disquisition on language delivered straight up.
Also, take a moment to read this, a shrewd disquisition on language delivered straight up.
Friday, March 7, 2008
Tits
Behold JUSTICE's many forms: round; rounder; nippled.
Many forms of JUSTICE demand many vigilant nightwatchmen of JUSTICE: street perverts; recovering homosexuals; thirsty infants; these bastards.
Once, I had a dream: I was young; I was poor; I watched inveterate trash; I worked for an august institution, peddling mud to swine.
Sometimes, life gives you a chance to slide into second.
I was TF'ed by life and now I TF for JUSTICE!
Many forms of JUSTICE demand many vigilant nightwatchmen of JUSTICE: street perverts; recovering homosexuals; thirsty infants; these bastards.
Once, I had a dream: I was young; I was poor; I watched inveterate trash; I worked for an august institution, peddling mud to swine.
Sometimes, life gives you a chance to slide into second.
I was TF'ed by life and now I TF for JUSTICE!
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Justice! Extra: Meet Rick Levine
For those who were curious, this is the man who saw into Tess' soul:
Daily Horoscope for Aquarius
Today's Venus-Neptune alignment falls in your sign, heaping an extra helping of radiance onto your plate. You can be more alluring than you realize, transmitting vibes that capture others in your web of illusion. Your mind is powerful now and can affect physical reality. Wizard-like, you can think yourself stronger, taller or prettier -- and magically, that is how you are perceived. Use this special gift wisely.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
By Rick Levine
Monday, March 3, 2008
Comebacks
Sometimes you are standing around at a very preppy book party talking to a decreasingly preppy clothing publicist slash self-promoting man-about-town when you realize that he has absolutely no idea who you are. The dialogue goes something like this:
SELF-PROMOTING MAN-ABOUT-TOWN: Why don't you ever come to any of my parties and write about them?
YOU: I'm just so busy.
SELF-PROMOTING MAN-ABOUT-TOWN: You should send that reporter Claire who works for you.
YOU: I don't have a reporter named Claire who works for me.
SELF-PROMOTING MAN-ABOUT-TOWN: Oh, wait... I guess you... you're not Chris Rovzar from New York magazine...
YOU: Wow so Chris Rovzar doesn't go to your parties either?
Zing! JUSTICE!
SELF-PROMOTING MAN-ABOUT-TOWN: Why don't you ever come to any of my parties and write about them?
YOU: I'm just so busy.
SELF-PROMOTING MAN-ABOUT-TOWN: You should send that reporter Claire who works for you.
YOU: I don't have a reporter named Claire who works for me.
SELF-PROMOTING MAN-ABOUT-TOWN: Oh, wait... I guess you... you're not Chris Rovzar from New York magazine...
YOU: Wow so Chris Rovzar doesn't go to your parties either?
Zing! JUSTICE!
Freudian Slips
Sometimes people who you have a crush on write you an email, and where they mean to write:
"Love to hear what you think."
They end up writing:
"Love you hear what you think."
And you get to believe they mean it.
JUSTICE!
"Love to hear what you think."
They end up writing:
"Love you hear what you think."
And you get to believe they mean it.
JUSTICE!
Sunday, March 2, 2008
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